The Conversational Equivalent of Doomscrolling
How can we have better conversations about what’s happening?
My spouse, who is far more brilliant than he usually takes credit for, came up with that title phrase when I was trying to describe my least favorite conversations about the current authoritarian power grab in the U.S. (and the slide toward fascism over the past many years). I’m talking specifically about conversations with people who agree with me and get how bad things are. These are the people it should be easy to talk with!
And it is easy, but it tends toward something like this: an exasperated litany of Trump’s many attacks on democracy, decency, science, and human beings, one after the other; a lament of the loss of shared norms and values; perhaps a foray into the motivations of his supporters (it’s the inequality, no it’s the racism, and the patriarchy, no it’s all and/or…); sometimes a simplistic version of what would be needed to change course (something not perceived to be happening); and then some version of “what the hell is wrong with people?” before we change the subject because we’re all depressed now.
That is what feels like the conversational equivalent of doomscrolling. The conversations involve: 1. A wide range of topics and events, mostly negative; 2. A rush to label and understand things quickly, with a lot of generalizations; and 3. Some bitter remarks on the hypocrisy and broken values of the regime and its supporters. We flail around in our anger and despair until we just exhaust ourselves and move on.
I get that, for many people, it’s helpful just to vent a bit, give voice to your anger, and get validation that what you’re watching unfold is just as unjust and shocking as you think it is. And, to be fair, if you’re talking with another human being about what’s going on at all, you’re already doing something more meaningful than you would be if you were alone and glued to a screen, or avoiding the subject entirely.
But since I’ve walked away from some of these conversations feeling worse, and since authoritarian regimes want and need our exhaustion, confusion, and cynicism, I’m thinking about how to have different conversations. Here, I’m going to suggest some questions that can steer us toward deeper and more empowering engagement. These are drawn partly from the materials and conversations at our One Million Rising gathering, and partly on my past experience leading climate cafes, which showed me the power of turning toward the personal and emotional when confronting the unthinkable.
Envision Resistance and Make it Local
So often, conversational doomscrolling puts the focus out in an imagined public sphere, away from our immediate lives. It’s a reflection of our overwhelm and feelings of powerlessness. But resistance is going to require individuals everywhere to do small and large things and connect with those around us. So, even if the answer is “I don’t know” or “I can’t think of anything I can do right now,” it’s worth bringing it back to our own lives and the opportunities we have to connect with others. As in—
How do you see people responding to this in your/our community?
What are some ways you see people resisting or refusing to cooperate?
What are things going on in your community that you see as supporting this regime, or going along with it in some way?
Is there anything you’ve been doing to resist or refuse to cooperate?
What things might we or others be asked to do in the future that we should refuse to comply with?
How could we support people who are resisting?
Be with the Feelings
Taking in the realities of an authoritarian power grab is scary and painful. None of us can magically take those feelings away from people we care about. But it can be surprisingly helpful just to make some space to talk about the emotions, without trying to fix them. This requires resisting the urge to reach for some quick and simple version of “Cheer up! It’s going to be okay!” You will notice that urge. Try to fight it and see what happens! Consider asking…
What’s it like for you just being alive in this place right now?
How do you deal with what it feels like to bear witness to this? (And/or to be threatened directly by it?)
I’m feeling a lot of _____ these days. What’s it like for you?
I wonder how the emotional impact of this affects us all? For me, I notice _____.
How can I support you?
Take a Step Back
These are inspired by an Active Hope training I attended some time ago, also in the context of coping with climate change. They also draw on the principle that we are usually stronger if we can see the ways that our lives and our actions have meaning and are part of a larger story.
I wonder how we’ll look back on this time in 10 or 20 years.
What would we want people in the future to know about how we responded to this?
What stories inspire you? Who else has fought or is fighting injustice?
What acts feel meaningful to you these days? Even in little ways?
Obviously this is a lot of questions, but if even one or two resonate with you, maybe they’re an opening to something different. Resistance requires connection and hope, and maybe shifting our conversational habits, even if it feels really weird to start, can help us get there together!